Where were you in 1993?

It is an ordinary work day. I worked for the Dept of Corrections in Missouri as a Correctional Officer. Yes, me!


It is the end of September, winter is approaching. We always went on a week trail ride with our horses. This year was different. My husband and I are divorced. He was supposed to be back at work, the ride was over for the year.

His supervisors at work were wondering where he was because he did not call in and say he would not be at work. I got permission to leave and went to the house where we had lived together. It seemed that nothing was wrong. I expected to find him. But as I went from room to room, I found his personal items that should have been on him.

The last place I looked was in the barn, the horses were in their stalls. As I walked back to the house, something made me look inside the camper. As I tried to open the door, it was tied with a bungee cord from the inside. When I finally got the cord off, there sat my husband on the floor dead.......

It has been 17 years since that day. There has never been a day, and never will be a day that I will ever forget about it. He hit 40 years of age and things went down hill from there. There are many other factors that contributed to his decision.

You might wonder why I would tell such a personal tragedy? I hope with my willingness to talk about this issue that maybe it will help someone else. Be aware of your friends, family or any loved one....If you see strange behavior then make someone else aware of it. GET some kind of help!

The pain does not end when that person leaves this earth, it is only beginning.....The family and friends around that person suffers and has to work through what has taken place. The immediate family has to deal with the death and then with the guilt that creeps into their minds.

In the coming days, I will try and give you some facts and answer some questions you might have. If you have questions or want to share privately you may contact me at this email address: helpvictimsofsuicide@hotmail.com. I may not have answers for you but maybe I can point you in the right direction.

I need to mention one other thing, I DO NOT pretend to know anything and everything about suicide. I am no professional. I can only share with you, my experiences and what I have learned. I will research and try to attempt to give you some helps for you.

The one thing I know you need to do is pray......for guidance, wisdom, peace, and understanding!